I'm Sorry, but I'm Still Right!

12:30 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I can't say I'd use all the words here but the sentiment's the same. Very true.

Pet Peeve #7: I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
May 23rd, 2007.

I cannot stand the phrase ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Mostly because the people uttering that tripe are very rarely trying to sincerely apologize. Instead, they are subtly implying that you are wrong to feel a particular way.
A good example of this is the conversation I had with an acquaintance last week. In it, I confronted him for the poor way he treated me the day before. I explained to him that while his original intent may have been to help me (And I really doubt that), his method was mean spirited and completely ineffective.
His response?
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
In other words, I’m wrong. However, if I press the issue, he can always smugly claim he already apologized!
‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ is nothing more than a sleazy way to get credit for apologizing while simultaneously refusing to actually take ownership of your actions. Instead of making amends, you throw out some flippant comment in which you blame the inferiority of the other person for the altercation. I’ve found the main perpetrators of this bullshit technique are those socially inept, egotistical assholes who sincerely believe their shit doesn’t stink. They’re always right and you’re always wrong and if you happen to disagree with that ideology, they’re sorry you feel that way.
Now I am not saying that one should apologize when one does not feel they did something wrong. I simply saying rather than employ an insincere apology, you should have the guts to just come right out and tell the other person why you think they’re incorrect. At least attempt to defend your position! When all else fails you can always fall back on the old tried and true end of modern debates: ‘Let’s agree to disagree.’
Also, I’d just like to point out that apologizing for the outcome of an altercation is not the same as admitting intent. A lot of people seem be under the mistaken impression that apologizing is akin to admitting you were trying to cause someone else distress. This is simply not true.
For example, if a little boy accidentally knocks over a vase and it breaks, it is completely appropriate for him to apologize. Nowhere is he admitting that he purposely intended to smash the vase to pieces, he is merely apologizing for the outcome of his clumsiness.
It is the same thing with adult interactions. If a man accidentally says something mean and hurtful, it is completely appropriate for him to apologize. This does not mean he intended to be mean and hurtful. It simply implies that his words were clumsy and he regrets the outcome of using them.
In closing, I’d just like to say that this is all common sense to most people. Not everyone is a social moron and I apologize to the people reading who aren’t and had to sit through my painfully obvious analogies.
However, there are people out there who completely lack the ability to find fault in themselves or admit any wrongdoing whatsoever. Because of this, they will gleefully pervert conversations in thinly veiled attempts to escape culpability for their actions. I submit that a society that allows people to deny responsibility is a society that inadvertently encourages the assholes of the world to mistreat us.
But hey! At least the assholes of the world will be very sorry we feel that way.